Teens and their first jobs - parents asking for money...

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PortlandMentor
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Joined: 07/09/2009

If you have experienced this before or have advice, please respond to this post. There are more details - that I wouldn't put on a public post yet not too personal to chat about with another mentor - that would knowingly aid in understanding and responding more thoroughly. So please do include a way that I can contact you directly if interested in sharing more ideas/thoughts/experiences.

I have a close friendship with the child who I have been mentoring for several years now. We spend one-on-one time together at least once a week both educational and recreational. There is also - what most would probably consider - an unusually special and open communication and relationship with the parents. Sometimes advice is given to the family and the parent is often very accepting of my comments and suggestions.

The teen will be bringing home money from their first job this summer and the parents are asking for some of this money. Times get rough now and then but the family has never had financial problems in the past to where they can't make rent or put food on the table, etc. The reason for the request is for a personal want, not a need. This want is somewhat for the entire family, but also not so. Hard to explain without more details. This teen feels obligated to do as the parent says. I believe that the total amount is more than half of their paychecks. I am seeing both sides of the coin; however red flags are popping up in my mind.

Ironically I have had a similar experience as a child myself and I know how I would handle it now. But being a mentor, I'm obviously in an odd situation. I have my thoughts on how to address this, but am seeking others input first.

Help? Thoughts? Experiences? Suggestions?

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Kristonita12
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Joined: 04/22/2010
Re: Teens and their first jobs - parents asking for money...

This is a sticky situation. Did they give the child reasons for wanting some of their money? If so, what were the reasons? Unless they are seriously struggling to make ends meet (and even then, I feel that this is unreasonable), red flags are really popping up. I would start broaching the subject by asking them to consider ways to help this child save his money instead of them keeping it and then, if they say that helping their child was not the reason that they were requesting the money, I will implore you to ask them to reconsider, as difficult as that amy be.

__________________

~Kriston

Cristine Kelly
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Joined: 09/15/2009
Re: Teens and their first jobs - parents asking for money...

Hmmm, is there any possibility that this is a cultural situation? Just something to consider. Also, I highly suggest contacting your case manager for advice and support rather than going to the family directly. You don't want to alienate your relationship with your mentee, and most case managers are trained to handle situations like this. Let us know how it goes.

__________________

Cristine Kelly
Program Director
Sierra Mentoring Partnership
Nevada CIty, CA 95959
530-265-2900
www.sierramentoring.org