Mentor disappointment in match

Hi Nancy... Thank you for sharing your issue here... I don't have any hard and fast rules for handling a situation like this, but I do have a few thoughts:

1) I would encourage your mentor to stick it out for a little longer. While this young person may have a number of things that they need to work on, you could make a case that this is EXACTLY the type of circumstance where a mentor can make a huge difference. It's quite likely no one else in the child's life is making a positive difference on this issues. This is the conundrum that we set up when we describe mentoring as purely a fun, rewarding activity (I'm not saying you did that here, but the field in general tends to really play up that fun aspect during recruitment). The bottom line is that mentoring a youth from disadvantaged circumstances can be hard work. Try and convince your mentor that while these issues may not be very "fun" right now, they clearly indicate the presence of "teachable moments"... That expressed racial stereotype is a learning opportunity. So is the poor public behavior. Try and convince this mentor that if she really wants to make a difference in a child's life, this is the work that must be done for this particular child.

2) Also convince your mentor that you will provide plenty of support. This is where program coordinators need to go the extra mile. Maybe some additional training on handling these issues would be in order. Heck, maybe even some additional work with the mentee or their family is in order. One resource that might help is The Mentoring Answer Book (http://www.mentoringanswerbook.com/). This book has great advice for mentors on handling many of the issues you mentioned here, showing how mentors can start to do some real teaching around areas where their mentee's behavior or values may be lacking.

I hope this helps. I just know that, even though it's a hard relationship, this young person will not benefit from this mentor quitting on them. The mentor's choice is: Do I stick this out and try and turn this young person around, or do I give up on them knowing that this may be the youth's last chance to have someone help them on this stuff? If they quit on the young person, then they better be prepared to live with how that young person might be 15 years from now. Do they want to make a difference or not. I know it's easy to frame it that way when one is not in the middle of such a difficult relationship, but that's the truth. Mentoring is an intervention of love, not fun. The volunteer needs to decide if their love is conditional or not.