I would like to see your input in how to handle a situation where a parent feels the mentor is taking the place of the father/mother. In your opinion, how should the parent be approach with out hurting the mentor-mentee relationship?
There are probably lots of reasons why a parent might be feeling like the mentor is usurping their position with the child. Parents may agree to have their child have a mentor without fully thinking about what that might mean, both for the child and for the parent. Also, mentors sometimes do cross the line between being a supportive friend and acting more like a parent, perhaps even going so far as to criticize parental actions or activities.
The great book by the Search Institute, Mentoring for Meaningful Results, has a whole section directed toward parents, talking about what having a mentor will mean, what some of the concerns might be, how parents may feel about the relationship, and what the parental role is in the relationship. If you can find a copy of that, you could use it when talking with parents to help them better understand their role and the role of the mentor. Also, the MRC has a couple of free resources on working with parents. One is a fact sheet on parental involvement. You can download this here. The other is a template programs can use to develop a guide to parents for mentoring. You can find that listed on our publications page under "major publications."
I think all the advice these resources offer boils down to making the parent feel like they are a partner in the mentoring process. They need to know you and the mentor are hearing their concerns. And maybe the mentor needs some guidance about keeping his or her role clearly separate from the parent's role and being sure not to undermine their authority even if they don't agree with what they're doing.
Of course, this is coming from someone who isn't currently running a program! So I am looking forward to some real-life examples of how others have handled this difficult issue.
There are probably lots of reasons why a parent might be feeling like the mentor is usurping their position with the child. Parents may agree to have their child have a mentor without fully thinking about what that might mean, both for the child and for the parent. Also, mentors sometimes do cross the line between being a supportive friend and acting more like a parent, perhaps even going so far as to criticize parental actions or activities.
The great book by the Search Institute, Mentoring for Meaningful Results, has a whole section directed toward parents, talking about what having a mentor will mean, what some of the concerns might be, how parents may feel about the relationship, and what the parental role is in the relationship. If you can find a copy of that, you could use it when talking with parents to help them better understand their role and the role of the mentor. Also, the MRC has a couple of free resources on working with parents. One is a fact sheet on parental involvement. You can download this here. The other is a template programs can use to develop a guide to parents for mentoring. You can find that listed on our publications page under "major publications."
I think all the advice these resources offer boils down to making the parent feel like they are a partner in the mentoring process. They need to know you and the mentor are hearing their concerns. And maybe the mentor needs some guidance about keeping his or her role clearly separate from the parent's role and being sure not to undermine their authority even if they don't agree with what they're doing.
Of course, this is coming from someone who isn't currently running a program! So I am looking forward to some real-life examples of how others have handled this difficult issue.
Patti MacRae
National Mentoring Center